Rituals

Today I got to my parking garage at work right after my co-worker, the same one who always arrives just ahead of me. She parked in the same spot she always does, the forth spot from the right of the door. I parked where I always do, one spot to the left of the car directly across from the door. The number painted on the wall for my spot is 77, someone took a think magic marker and put another 7 at the end. 777-somehow comforting. She walked in first, sometimes I walk in first, this varies daily. But today she walked in first. She walked past the security guard, he said the same thing he always says to her, "good morning," then after her reply ("good morning") he says "have a nice day," to which she replies, "you too." He always tells me "good morning" too, which I say "hello" just to mix it up a bit. Then he usually makes some other comment like, "it must be busy upstairs, everyone's coming in early," or "sounds like you're getting a cold" or "chilly today." I usually am much to tired and cranky to carry on small talk so my earlier attempt to mix it up ends with my customary smile and nod.
My co-worker starts up the stairs, she always jogs up the first four or so, then slowly takes the rest. She gets to the first level and always goes through that door directly into the bathroom. I continue up the stairs to the second level. I use my key and open the door. J and M are always in J's office talking and laughing, and I always think, what is funny at 6:30 in the morning? I walk to my ghetto station and turn on my computer. I pull my cell phone out of my purse and turn it to vibrate. Then I stick my purse in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet that sits under my desk. I grab the sippy cup I drink out of (yes sippy cup, with a bright green lid, a straw and a picture of a hula hooping giraffe wearing a scarf.) I fill it up with water from the Lindyspring jug, then I sit down at my computer. I enter my password and wait for it to start up. At 6:45 I call David to wake him up, then at 7 I call again to make sure he's out of bed.
The rest of my day at work varies, there are several different things I could do a day, data entry, scanning, pulling sheets, prepping batches, checking my email, writing and reading blogs, playing on facebook, talking to Y. At noon, I usually go visit my dear husband at his work, though a few days a week I work through lunch to make up for the long lunches I spend with him.
Around 3:07 I start to pack things up and turn things off. I walk out to my car and start the drive to my job #2. On the way there I sing as loudly as I can to the radio to wake myself up, I take the highway and risk my life daily trying to merge at that stupid on ramp. I park in the back and walk into my job #2. I always scan my time card just a few minutes after 3:30, though the clock in my car tells me I'm a few minutes early. There are no rituals at this job. Nothing is ever the same everyday. Different co-workers, different customers, different tasks.
I go home absolutely exhausted after working about 12 hours that day, and every week day and I collapse. My dear husband and I used to have an after work ritual, that was when we were going to work and coming home together. Now I leave before him and come home after him. Usually he's not home, much too antsy to be there alone, so I come home to an empty apartment. He is always right behind me though, missing me as much as I've missed him. My body seems to understand that since I'm home, I can finally relax, and I usually spend the next couple of hours doing as little as possible. Around 9:30 we get ready for bed to start the day over.
I like rituals. And I miss my afternoon ones. They help me feel normal, complete. So maybe that's why I've been feeling so unsettled lately. Or maybe it's because I'm so tired. Or maybe it's because I'm getting my period next week so my hormones are all outta whack. I don't know, but I don't think rituals have that much influence on what we feel. Would my morning be off if I didn't have small talk with the security guard every morning, or if my co-worker parked in a different spot, or if I filled up my cup before I turned on my computer? I don't know.
It's probably just the PMS.